i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
operation have a gay friend backfired
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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