I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
