I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
