I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
