I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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