i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
