Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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