you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
