u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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