someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
