you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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