and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I need moral support for this bender
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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