What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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