Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
