Your tits are I can't wait for
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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