Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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