Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
