I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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