Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
