Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
