I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
