if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
