Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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