She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
