So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
