i don't like sucking hair
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
