come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
