finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
