I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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