I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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