Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
