I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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