Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
