if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
