okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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