Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
