Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
