We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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