she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
