I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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