I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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