how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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