Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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