I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
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