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the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
