I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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