Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
