I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
