I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
