he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Drake has all the answers
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
